By Aneeq Nayer Khan
First of all being a typical horror character of anyone’s daily life i.e; a typical ‘Mullah’, I would request you not to run away after knowing this otherwise you may will reach somewhere better.
So, thanks for your lunatic decision to tolerate me. As expected, I am not going to tell you about something you want to know but I will tell you everything that my stomach refuses to accept.
Believe it or not, I am a great well-wisher of yours. I spent a great part of my life in practicing the tricks to convince you about right teachings of Islam. Now, please don’t ask me how I know they are right? Or there may be some other aspects also in this regard? All these type of questions can make you a ‘Kafir’. Do you want to tell me that whatever my Molvi Sahab, who have beaten me all the way long with his hands, legs and with a special kind of iron stick whenever I made a mistake (according to him), can he tell me anything wrong? NO WAY! There are still marks on me which reminds me about his authenticity.
Now I hope that you’ll not run after the answers to those silly questions I mentioned above ever. And running like crazy to know this immature stuff? NEVER! Isn’t that right? Say ‘Yes’. That’s awesome now. You have helped me digest my food. I’ve to take one doze of Chacha Jee’s Biryani now.
Mmm…Yeah I’m back now. Well I must say the way you suppress the rising evil thoughts like why I should do this? or how can I? after my command. It’s brilliant. That’s the sign of a true Muslim! Congratulations, you are heading perfectly towards the right Islam and now, you must reward me a box of 2 kilo ‘GULAB JAAMAN’ (dessert) for my efforts, if you really believe in ethics!
If we will continue following Islam this way, we will soon rule the world. We will be higher in everything, even from our neighboring country. What? Which of the neighboring one? Haven’t you seen written on the walls of Karachi? “INDIA KA JO YAAR HE, ISLAM KA GHADDAR HE”. Yeah, that was my idea to preach this fatwah in this awesome way. Thanks for appreciation. You just continue practicing the lessons I give you, I guarantee you one day you will be a ‘rocking’ mullah! Don’t be confused. I mean one day you’ll be found throwing rocks to the people making fun of you.
Now tell me what else you people want? We give the whole life package for you to lead better and you people always go away like we have grown spikes on us (don’t count my beard just). I want to ask you a simple question. Where do you go after bypassing me? Where do you head? What is your destiny? What is your aim to fulfil the reason you are here? Have you done your job (as you’re amazingly relaxed)?
I want to say quite quietly that after all my soul preaching, if there is still some chance that you doubt in my authenticity (unfortunately) then, I want to ask what is authentic according to you? Despite of my nature, I will correspond to you. But at least come towards the topic.
Don’t go away!